Bad Attitude

Lately, I've been a total crank...


think like...mad just to be mad, no reason really, but also kinda sorta hoping for a reason so you don't look like a crazy person because you're mad...do you know what I mean? This past week I think I've yelled at Jared for the most stupidest things that could ever happen...like..we laugh about it now because when I yelled it didn't even make sense. And honestly, half the time he laughs at me anyways because my angry face is apparently hilarious. Who's to say?

I also got some pretty devastating news this past weekend. I've been trying hard to find a new job for next year (my Spanish certification was only for one year because I'm an elementary teacher) and so I've been applying and interviewing like a mad-woman. I had an interview for a kindergarten position(AKA dream job), amazing interview, amazing connections, perfect fit and I found out on Friday that they hired someone else. I literally BAWLED.

Like snot everywhere. Tears soaking the couch. My life was over. I was never going to find a job. We were never going to be financially okay. Life was terrible and I hated myself and everyone and everything. I think I sulked for a few hours. I think we went and got ice cream to make me feel better.
I don't really remember because those hours were a tear-stained blur. And when Jared brought it up the next morning, I burst into tears again. I felt so raw and vulnerable. I'm not saying that I didn't overreact. Most people would just pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and apply to the next job. I definitely was overreacting but I couldn't control the intense amount of emotions that had flooded me in seconds. The tears just flowed. and I felt raw. I felt emotion that I hadn't felt in a long time, a selfish emotion of not getting what I wanted, what I had planned, what I felt I deserved. So I took this crying selfie...

because I wanted you to see my vulnerability. I'm not always the happiest person, I'm not always kind, I'm not always "on" and "cute" and "incharge" like the rules I often play. This picture was so hard for me to even put into this blog. I wanted to delete it. I didn't want people to see it. and I even took 3 days writing this post because I was procrastinating on people seeing my cry face. But that's not what this about (keep reading..)

I really, truly felt that this is where I was supposed to be...but I'm slowly realizing, each day that I spend away from that terrible Friday evening, that maybe it wasn't. God surely must have an amazing plan in the works to pass me up for a job that I already thought was amazing. That being said, I've taken a new look on life.I realized how powerful our emotions are, how much they play a role in our days, our lives, even our weeks.
What happened sucked, obviously. Was it actually devastating? No. But I let it debilitate me, I let it put me in a funk for HOURS and almost a full 24 HOURS at that. I just felt cranky, upset, emotional, rock bottom and I couldn't take it anymore.

So here's what I'm saying (and mostly to myself..but I wanted you to see this too.) Yeah, situations suck sometimes. Life doesn't go how we planned, but God definitely has his own version of a plan that He already knows and has planned for us! SO. I'm praying, wishing, and knowing that God's will will be shown in HIS perfect timing, even if it's not mine.

Just a Starfish

I was trying really hard to find my "thing." Like...I really wanted a symbol, an emblem, something that when people looked at it, they thought of me. I wanted something that stood for everything I was for. But I wanted something that also was creative, ingenious, unique, and applied to me. I might even get a tattoo of it now...but don't tell my Mom!

People, let's be real, I've been on the hunt for something to represent me since I became a coach last August. I've been trying hard to be out there and branding my business, but I wanted an insignia, I wanted something that was mine!

After months of searching, I texted Jared and said, "Yeah, so I'm really into starfish now." (completely out of the blue of course...) and he responds with..."Okay?..". I love how he just accepts the things I say, without really questioning me..hah.

Y'all are going to think this is so cheesy and that I'm lame, because really...a starfish? Seriously?
But after so many late night pinterest fests, a ton of googling, and even some starfish quote searches...I really do think that the starfish symbol is the one for me! I bought a starfish ring and I sent my two new coaches starfish necklaces, so there is no going back! :) This is it. I know it is!

I've been reading lots of articles on the representation of certain animals and symbols, I've read researchers explanations, and I've read blogs about little girls who love finding starfish on the beach. You name it, I've read it. But I really want you all to understand how much deeper this runs for me than just a symbol.

First, I LOVE the ocean. I think it is one of the most magical places that God has created. And I love this verse from a hymn we sing in church (I've posted it before..but who cares!) "If we with ink, the ocean fill or were the skies of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill and everyone a scribe by trade. To write the love of God above, would drain the ocean dry." I'm a beach girl at heart and I'm in awe of the creation that lies in the ocean itself.

Second, check out these meanings of a starfish! (I gave my own little explanation after each one - AKA why I like the meanings :) )

• Strong  - this one is an obvious amazing one! Starfish have a harder outer body, so physically they are strong. In my fitness journey, I need to be strong.
• Patient  - Starfish aren't necessarily the movers and shakers of the world. They kinda just hang out. I need to be patient - with myself. In waiting for results to happen, in changing my habits, in my bad days.
• Ancient - I just love the idea of antique and archaic, long-standing. They've been around a while, they can get old, and they last!
• Magical - they are just interesting and cool creatures! 
• Healing - Did you know if a starfish loses a limb, it can regenerate and grow it back? can we actually grow back our limbs? No. But we can heal. Our hearts heal, our minds heal, and our bodies can heal. With time. A great reminder of necessary healing.
• Sensitive - We have emotions! and sometimes emotions can control us. I love the fact that they represent sensitivity because this emotion can be taken in a negative way. It's okay to be sensitive, it's okay to let that sensitivity show!
• Longevity - see ancient. They live for a LONG time! 
• Renewing - I love this word. Renew. I want to be renewed, spiritually, physically, mentally. Starfish renew their limbs when they lose one. We can renew ourselves!
• Perceptive - I have always prided myself on perceiving emotions. I tend to notice facial expressions, glances, eyes, and notice when things are going down that might not be on the surface. When we as humans become more perceptive to others, we become kinder, more understanding, patient....#mygoals
• Resourceful - they take what they are given and use it. And they are innovative in finding other ways to make things work. They are intricate creatures that God created - their body system so interesting and intriguing. AH. I love starfish!

Third, I found this awesome passage about an article on Starfish. You can go to the article Symbolic Stafish, here. But, I have posted a small snippet of the article because I think it's awesome.

"So, in my way of thinking, the starfish is a great representative for this concept. They are the stars below, mimicking the stars above. Their remarkable ability to sense, move, regenerate - all that good stuff is available to us humans on earth.

Am I saying we can re-grow an arm if we lose one like the starfish can? Well..that's a stretch. But I will say we can regenerate our attitudes, our beliefs, our mind-sets. We can grow knew limbs of thought that take us to higher levels of experience. We can lop off parts of our belief systems that no longer serve us. We can replace these phantom limbs with higher-minded ideals. We can cut off our bad habits, and regenerate good ones. You get my point.

The starfish's ability to re-grow their bits and pieces is also symbolic of healing and renewal. This also ties in with water symbolism. Water is symbolic of healing, purification, cleansing. Water is also symbolic of emotion and intuition which ties in with the starfish meaning of sensory perception.

In terms of healing, the starfish can be a grand ally in your journey of renewal. If you're struggling with emotional or health challenges...consider the power of the starfish. Consider Hermes' statement: "As above, so below" (and vice versa). If the starfish can heal and re-grow...so can we as humans. Our regeneration might look a little different. But, through neuro-network patterns (retraining pathways in the brain) we can certainly regenerate new avenues thought that facilitate healing."

Fourth, some of you have probably read the starfish story.
However, I'll post it here for you as well.

Fifth reason...check out this call to Authenticity! Doesn't it just make you want to cry with Happiness!!!!! YES: 

This health and fitness journey is no where near over, and it's going to continue for the rest of my life! However, I'm so excited to have a symbol of renewal, healing, and a symbol of infinite divine love. :)

No matter how badly I want to help the entire world..I remember that each and every person I'm already working with has been touched. And I see that and feel that! (Thank you for your messages!)I will leave you with this question..no matter what field you work in, what state you live in, what life you lead...